The task of organizing and packing for a family of four to move across the world was no small project. Lists and more lists of strategically including what we could into eight large suitcases. I can still picture in my mind the week Tyson and I worked tirelessly in his dad's workshop with our stuff spread out everywhere waiting to make the cut. What would we have done without that luggage scale? 
Our biggest priority was the suitcase containing the boys' toys and books. My mom heart wanted them to be surrounded by some of their most beloved familiar items. We were so delighted when everything we had chosen for them fit perfectly right at the 50 pound limit. We laughed as we had to shuffle the last few items the night before our flight to keep all eight cases right at 50 pounds. My votive candles didn't make it. We were kicking ourselves for that after the bazillionth power outage, but something had to go and it wasn't going to be toys, books, or mosquito spray.
After the tears of saying goodbye to our family came the exuberance of the culmination of the past two years finally coming to fruition. It was surreal to be sitting on the plane headed to our new "home." When we finally arrived to the compound where we would be living and stepped foot on our front porch with the truck still loaded to the hilt with carseats and suitcases time stood still for a moment, and we were both overcome with emotion. The praying, the sharing, the selling of our home, packing, selling, packing, preparing, fund raising, and journeying for two years and we finally made it! We were both thinking those things as we looked into each other's eyes. We knew it and didn't have to say a word. It was a moment I'll never forget.
Embracing our dear friends and having the reunion we'd been anticipating was sweet to the soul. It took the boys no time to start running around chasing the dogs, finding bugs, and digging in the dirt. They were made for this! Exhausted but full of joy we stacked our suitcases inside the door and began to look around the house that we would call home. Sweet notes and chocolates were waiting on the dining table welcoming us.
Too tired for much more, our suitcases lay in a pile the size of a mountain range in our living room floor as we got our bed nets set up over our beds and drifted off to sleep. I couldn't wait to get unpacked and settled in and make our house a home. Little did we realize, those suitcases would stay in the same spot for days. The next morning Tyson woke up with a stomach bug that we must of picked up on our journey, and one by one it went through all of us - Luke was next, then me, and finally Samuel. This began the roller coaster of illness we would find ourselves on for the next fifteen weeks. We did manage to get unpacked and make strides towards settling in, but it wasn't long before we began getting hit with malaria. Within eight weeks Tyson got it twice, I got it four times, and Samuel once. We decided to go to Zimbabwe to get away from the malaria and recover after two months. Four days after we arrived in Zimbabwe (I still had my fourth round of malaria) Tyson became ill with something that was never really diagnosed. What we thought was going to be a time of healing and refreshing turned into six weeks of living in Zimbabwe with multiple doctor's visits and blood tests. We could not go back to Mozambique not knowing what Tyson had or how to treat it. It was obvious our malaria prevention medicine was not working, and therefore it was ultimately decided that we should come back to the states to seek further medical treatment.
Along with our head lamps, family photos, Bibles, and cooking spices we had packed anticipation, visions of family life on the mission field, hopes, expectations of serving, desires to grow and be good stewards of what we felt God calling us to, and much more.
I wrote a post about finding joy in suffering that shares a glimpse of what God was showing me in the midst of it all. One by one it felt as though everything we had "packed" was steadily getting unpacked and thrown out. We knew sickness and malaria were a reality where we were going, but getting hit so frequently in the transition of arriving for the first time is what took it's toll.
What do you do when the thing you would most dread or are fearful of starts creeping at your door? How in the world could we turn around and go home after only four short months when so many people have invested in us, believing in us to come and serve faithfully here in this land? How could we let our team down who are counting on us to help with the projects going on? How could God call us here just to get sick and go back home? How could this be God? What is going on? Is this a spiritual battle? Are we supposed to stay strong and fight on? Did we not hear you correctly?
We have wrestled. We have grappled and confronted these questions head on. Our theology of suffering and knowing God's will has been challenged in a good way. You know, little questions like "Does God lead us into suffering?" and "How do we know God's calling on our lives for sure?"
Anger - Disillusionment - Desperation - Depression - Anxiety - Hopelessness - Shame
They were all fighting for the rights to our souls.
Jumping in my mind back to loading our suitcases at JFK on the luggage cart. With exhilaration we hauled them for what seemed like miles. Checking in to our international flight, we weren't thinking "wow, I can't wait to go feel nauseated for weeks, hold my child in the middle of the night with 105 degrees of fever and feel more helpless than I ever have. I can't wait to watch my husband be pale and lethargic for six weeks in a foreign land wondering what he is sick with." I don't think any of us ever sign up knowingly for suffering and brokenness.
Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. ~ Psalms 139:8-12
In sharing about our experience and our hardships, we acknowledge that suffering is relative. So many others have endured and walked through much more difficult situations, but this is where we are and what God has and is using to refine us and reveal Himself to us.
As we have returned back to our homeland and begun to process all that we've experienced in the past year we are discovering that after what we "packed" in our luggage was emptied out and stripped away, the Lord in all of his strength, wisdom and kindness has lovingly loaded us down with treasures more precious than any cheap souvenir to slowly and carefully unpack one eternal gift at a time.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ~ Romans 8:18
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. ~ James 1:2-4
We often think of the first part of this verse to dutifully consider it joy when we face difficulties, but do we stick around to let endurance have it's perfect work?
Mozambique and malaria is not something for us to discard and "get past." It has been my temptation to want to shut that door and move on as quickly as possible, but that would be a huge mistake. It has been in these months following our return that so much has been revealed to us and we've seen the lasting impact this has had in the most important areas of our hearts and lives. We have resolved to let endurance have it's perfect work and to hang on for the prize - the glory of the Lord to be revealed in us. To carefully and intentionally unpack this thing. Isn't it our nature to want out of the fire of our trials as quickly as possible? Stop the pain. Comfort ourselves and trade in for a different set of circumstances. What are we forfeiting by doing this? I'd venture to say everything!
We have been forever changed by this experience, and our prayer is that we can take what we've been given and make it an offering to encourage men, women, and families who we come in contact with.
Knowing always that God is good.
Love,
Gina and Tyson
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